|Red Grooms, Bicyclist, 1975|
Here's Pluck: "The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of their natural lives riding iron bicycles over the rocky roadsteads of this parish get their personalities mixed up with the personalities of the bicycle as a result of the interchanging of the atoms of each of them and you would be surprised at the number of people in these parts who are half people and half bicycles."
With a passable understanding of the theory, it is clear that many of our citizenry are on the way to becoming more bike than man (or woman). Bike messengers and delivery boys are too far gone to save. But there's still hope for the hipsters and dudes if we follow the sergeant's example--steal their bicycles. Yes, that's right, in order to preserve whatever human "mollycules" they have left, we must take their bikes and hide or dismantle them. Repeatedly, if necessary. You can curse Bloomberg and his bike lanes all you want, but if you care about your loved one, and he or she is spending more and more time on his/her bicycle*, there's no alternative.
(*Leaning against the wall on on one elbow rather than sitting is a sure sign of becoming bicycle.)