SubTalk & SubWalk

In anticipation of the upcoming MTA campaign against "manspreading," "door-hogging," "pole-hugging," and other breaches of subway etiquette, I am rerunning this BTB post from December 18, 2011. Scroll down for a possible mascot for the new campaign!

This is the time of year tourists visit our fair city en masse. Since many of them are unfamiliar with our subterranean lifestyle, I thought it would be helpful to provide a little primer on subway ways. (This might be a good refresher for all of us. Clip it out and put it on your fridge!) I've boiled it down to five essential tips, organized into a handy ABC mnemonic:

A little Alacrity goes a long way! Yes, it's right and proper to let people off the train before you get on. But de-training passengers, you too need to shake a leg and clear the train promptly. Otherwise it's gridlockistan.

Your are Bigger than you think! That backpack is taking up my space! Take it off and hold it by your side. As for bicycles: use the first or last cars of the train, which are typically less crowded; better yet, ride them on the street. (Don't complain, in Warsaw, you'd be charged an extra ticket for big bags or bikes.)

Jiri Kovanda, Prague

Put a Cork in it! The subway is loud enough. Please avoid shouting, loud laughter, and hooting!

Do the right thing. When using the stairs, use the righthand side for going up or down. Just like you drive back home. When using the escalator, stand on the right so that people can pass on the left. (We're not bastards, mostly, just in a hurry!)

Eat your heart out! But don't eat lunch on the subway (or bus). If not for other passengers' sake, for your own dignity (not to mention health)!

Thanks, Cardvark!

So enjoy your time in New York City, spend a lot of money, don't be afraid to ask directions, and tell everybody you learned your NYC ABC's from Cardvark!

(Jirí Kovanda is a Czech artist who performed various "actions" in the early 1970s, including standing backwards on Metro escalators and looking into the eyes of riders behind him. Not recommended in NYC.)

Fun on Boxing Day

There are several accounts of how Boxing Day (December 26) gets its name. Putting things in boxes (and bags) and taking them to the dump (transfer station) seems as good a version as any.

Here is your correspondent's brother Tony beside the well-stuffed Subaru (which doubles in summer as a beach wagon) at our parents' place in Westerly, RI.

No need to separate bottles, cans, papers, and cardboard these days.

We had no paints to recycle, but if you do, the Westerly dump is well organized and equipped to handle it, along with televisions, electronics, propane tanks, dry wood, sheet rock, and much more. (Official site here.)

Clean as a whistle. For some reason, the next generation has not enthusiastically embraced this Boxing Day tradition. Perhaps it didn't grow up on "Alice's Restaurant," as ours did.

Christmas Lights

The 7 local adds a festive green, don't you think?

Merry Christmas from BTB and all the boys and girls in the Research Bureau.

Merry in Maspeth

Holiday greetings from the Plain People of the Maspeth Plateau. 69th St. and L.I.E.

(Photo: F. Allen)

Bag It

As everybody knows, the Kosciuszko Bridge and environs are getting a full-out repaving, with the work being conducted between 10 P.M. and 5 A.M. Which means there are times when there is no roadwork ahead to alert drivers to. The DOT has a high-tech way to handle that situation.

Hands Free, Heart Pounding

Westbound on the Gowanus Expressway at 11:15 a.m. I had just reached the split with the Belt Parkway. It's a bit hard to describe, but this is the point where the two righthand lanes continue on to the Verrazano Narrows Bridge and Staten Island, the center center-left lane dips down to feed onto the Belt Parkway, and the lefthand ("zipper") lane curves up and around and eventually rejoins the Gowanus Expressway headed towards S.I.--except when it is carrying traffic in the opposite direction.

Of course, I chose the single "zipper lane," which had just opened to westbound traffic. As soon as I did, I spotted something dark in the roadway, about two feet in from the lefthand Jersey barrier. At first I thought it was a piece of fabric or carpet or a garbage bag (pretty common sights on the BQE). As I got closer, I realized it was a rectangular manhole cover that had somehow been jarred open, one of its corners angled up at oncoming drivers. It wasn't difficult to avoid, but my stomach churned as I thought of somebody hitting it.

I dialed 911 on my cellphone and chose "Hands-Free," not something I do often or well. The operator's voice came through but faintly. For some reason, the music I had been listening to didn't cut out the way it is supposed to. And I couldn't figure out how to make it shut off or turn it down without losing the call volume. To hear the operator, I had to turn up the volume--and with it the music, which happened to be Dwight Yoakam singing "Long Way to Go" (from the fine 3 Pairs album).


911. Are you reporting an emergency?

Wishin' is only wishin'

Uhm, no. A highway hazard.

Till my only thought's the wish to be with you

Go ahead sir.

It's on the BQE. I mean, it's on the Gowanus Expressway.

"I've got a long way to go before I get there"

What exit number?

I don't know. 19, I think. Just after the split with the, what's it, Belt Parkway. There's a manhole cover open.

I've got a lot of field to hoe with the sun so high

So that's the Gowanus Expressway near Exit 19?

Yes, it's the lane on the far left, just after the split with the Belt.

Got a lot of miles to roll

And there is a manhole cover open?

And the next few only show

Yes, it's sticking up. If someone hit it...

That there's still such a long way to go.

She took my name and phone number, and gave me her operator's number. I didn't try to remember it.

High Desert

Inch by inch we achieve the point at which the Gowanus Expressway becomes the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway. Only to stultify high above the Gowanus Canal. Our neighbors heading towards the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel have better luck.